“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
Theodore Roosevelt
(Paris, April 23rd 1910)
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The quote above has no direct relation to what I am about to write. I add it because it helped me through out the week and was part of the journey this blog took.
I've wanted to write this blog all week. I had one drafted a couple of days ago. It never was published. Its a good thing. It was a search for an answer. One that I never found and all was left was frustration and anger. Well I have one now. And from this mindset I want to finally present this blog to you. Without further ado:
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There is an old Calvin and Hobbes comic that begins with Calvin struggling through the routine of everyday life. It ends with Calvin and Hobbes draped over a giant rock in the forest and Calvin saying simply: "Life isn't too bad if you can just get out in it." This statement says so elegantly what I've been trying to discover all week.
It has been a rough week. The sad thing is there is no single event or moment that set it off. I just felt miserable all week. My soul was bogged down, my stomach tied in knots, stressed the fuck out, and I had nothing tangible to point at and blame. So I turned my finger at myself and just let it all loose.
I began with one my monumental why is Michael a horrible person brainstorms. Which of course pulled up all sorts of shit best left alone. I tore myself down to the point of breaking, then built myself up just enough so I could rip into myself again. Oh the joys of someone who practically lives inside their own head.
Then I turned on my situation in life. It felt like all I ever did was wake up 5:30 to be on the road at 6:00, to be at work at 7:00, to sit in a cubicle till I got off at 5:00, to sit in traffic till I arrived home at 6:00. If I was lucky I had enough energy to get in a half ass work out, a shower, maybe cook some dinner, maybe squeeze in some TV or a quick chapter of reading. I hadn't even gotten to touch my guitar in weeks. I was trying to blame my great new job or even the Nova for not being reliable even after 7 years on a rebuilt engine. All these thought pissed me off cause I was making excuses and I hadn't come any closer to an answer.
Today, I sat in my cubicle. Determined I was just going to try and be more positive about life and maybe that would make a difference. I had no work to do as it was, so I sat in my little cubicle and of course let my mind run rampant.
Lunch time rolled around. I was claustrophobic, I couldn’t breath and the office began to get ever smaller. So, I stepped outside. Wow. What a beautiful day. Where to go? Well I just started walking. I went on a 8 minute walk around the block and all the sudden I had the answer. I had never walked around this part of the block before. I didn't see anything ground break, breath taking or amazing. But, it was all new and different cause I'd never been here before. Not even a football field away from were I sat all day. And I had never seen it before. All the sudden the Calvin suddenly made sense. The world isn't too bad after all if you step out of your daily routine and take a look around. It is amazing what you can find your own backyard.
Well I debated how was I was going to end this blog. I figured since I started with a quote I'd end it with one as well. That and I think Patterson Hood say it best: "Remember, it ain't too late to take a deep breath and throw yourself into it with everything you got. It's great to be alive."
1 comment:
isn't it crazy how sometimes just a simple change of scenery or small act can change our outlook and frame of reference so drastically? the other day i was walking to work feeling sorry for myself when i saw several blind men feeling their way across the med school campus using their canes with the little red knobs on the end (there's a technical name for those but i don't know what it is)... i imagine the men were in some kind of rehab training through the opthalmology clinic we have here. But i was suddenly struck by how lucky i am to have even the basic five senses, and the ability and freedom to walk and talk, and that my health and other circumstances in life are such that the future is wide open for me to accomplish who knows what... Sure, maybe my life isn't exactly how i'd like it to be, but i still have SO much to be grateful for.
Oops, i didn't mean to write so much about me! i really just wanted to tell you that teddy roosevelt quote is one of my favorites.
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