Well, I got the place to myself for the moment. I figured it would be a good time to try and figure somethings out. I have a few things I want to discuss that have been running through my head. First I figure I'll go ahead and mention it for those who are interested. It appears that Monday I should be (if all plays out correctly) the proud new honor of a pretty unimpressive 2002 Toyota Corolla. I am not sure what I am going to do now that now no one is going to be giving me head nods while I am driving down the road or asking me what I have under the hood when I at stop lights. Though hopefully it should lower my gas bill and my current level of stress. This isn't what I want to talk about so I am going to go ahead and change gears. (No pun intended.)
What I want to talk about first is something that I've been doing a lot of thinking about. The one thing my new job has provided me with is the opportunity to do a lot of thinking. Maybe too much but, hey it comes with the territory. But, what I've been thinking a lot of is my Purpose here in life. What is it I want from life. I know I've talked about this a lot lately but, I still havn't figured it out so I'll probably keep talking about it in the near future. But, what brings this up again is I have been reading this book. It is called "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. I know I know it sounds like some corny get rich quick scheme book. But, really it is a book about the characteristics of successful people. It was originally written back in 1937 so it has been around for quite some time. But, the books main emphasis is the fact that all successful people begin simple with a desire a passion if you will.
That all successful people know exactly what the want from life and the build a plan around that desire.
I find it rather coincedental that I run across this book at the exact time in my life were I am struggling with just this idea. What is it I want out of this life. As I mentioned in a previous blog. I have been working on this. I have a few ideas I am bantering around and I am not fully comfortable disclosing them till I come to a level confidence these "ideas" are really what I want to devote my life. But, it has become fully obvious that I want to be happy in this life I really need to decide what it is I want in this life. Sounds pretty damn obvious huh?
Ok, That said I want to talk about something else. Habits. Specifically bad habits. Even more specifically my bad habits. One of the things the book mentions is once you know what you want you have to be willing to give up something to get whatever it you desire. By this it means you must be willing to sacrifice those things in your life that are counterproductive to getting those things you want.
One recent example in my life has been my ability to keep smoking. It actually has been a suprisingly easy process. I can sit in a smoke filled bar all night and not usually have the urge to smoke. It is suprising what you can accomplish when actually come to the conclusion you want it. Well, its time I took on the 40 ton gorilla in the room. This would be my drinking. It is one thing I told myself it would be hard to quite. Mainly cause I don't want to quite. It is a fun thing to do on the weekends to hang out with good friends and just forget life for awhile. (I think that is a line from a Billy Joel song --piano man anyone?) But, anyways. I'm coming to the conclusion that my drinking has become a habit that has directly taken away from what I'm tyring to accomplish in my life. In a weird way it has become the purpose in my life. It seems like a work all week so I can support my drinking habit on the weekends. The weird thing is I have become a poor drinker. I am getting drunk quicker off of fewer beers. And consequently become a little sloppier as well. Not a whole lot of fun. But, I guess what I am trying to say is I want to set a goal to not let drinking become the sole purpose of the weekend. I need a break. I'm tired of sitting in the same ol damn bars. Doing the same damn thing every weekend. I need a break. And lets face it I'm not in college anymore. I got to get things straightened out a little. So my goal. I'm going to start of slow here. Is to make one week without drinking. Man just sayin that makes me cringe inside. But, seriously it sounds stupid but, I can't even think of the last time I made it through an entire week without drinking. I do pretty good during the week. But come weekend. Damn if I don't need a beer. So one week. (We will then decide whether or not to extend the streak.) My attempt is to show my habit that I have control over it. I am not sure I do anymore. So lets see.
So if anyone has any ideas on how to entertain oneself without drinking. Please let me know? Seeing as my entire social life revolves around the activity I'm not sure what to do with myself. Anyways. We will see. I have a feeling it is going to be rough week one in which a beer is deserved. It is very much like fate to tempt me. But, its a step. If I make it I'll find some other avenue to reward myself. Maybe I'll get a cd player for my new pimp ass Corolla.
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