Love

Well, I just got done with a movie. Just a quite night at the place me and a bottle a wine. I really enjoy spending time by myself. It helps me unwind through of the usual pressure of life and decompress from time to time. The wine always helps as well. But, the reason this blog is happening is because the movie is just finished was Last Kiss. It has Zach Braff in it and its about in Love and falling out of love and being young and growing old and finding what it is you want in life. All those things I like writing about so obviously I feel like writing now. I don't have a point I'm trying to make and so thus this will be another one of my free form blogs and just discuss things so feel free to follow along if you dare.

But, I want I want to talk about is love and relationships. Two subjects I really have no authority to discuss seeing as I've never really been in love and I have never been in a relationship. But, I love thinking about things I don't understand as if some how if I think about something hard enough I can figure it out, when I know all well and good that somethings you can't think through you just have to experience them. Its part of my curse really I spend so much time intellectuallizing things I forget to just emerse myself in them and learn through experience.

The reason I want to discuss this is, as I mentioned in earlier blogs, I have been doing a lot of thinking about what it is I want out of life. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out specifically what I want. Then about a week ago. I decided to look at it in more general terms. I came up with a least about 5 things I knew for sure I wanted in my life. One of them being to get married. I suppose it is most men's dream to find some beautiful, intelligent, fun, loving women and somehow trick them for falling for you. Who doesn't want someone they can share their lives with. It seems rather simplistic really. It is all part of the whole process of life. Get a good job, get married, kids, etc , etc, die.

But, as I said I've never been in a relationship and other than having crushes that I thought were love at the time I don't really think I have been really in love. I don't even know what I feel about never being in a relationship seeing as I'm 24 and most people have at least had several by this age. Maybe it is a good thing maybe its bad. I suppose there isn't really anyway to know for sure. It is just the way things happened and for the most part I'm fine with that. It seems like a lot of people have to be in a relationship to be happy. As if they are more than willing to be with the wrong person for the time being just to satisfy some sort of desire to be with someone and be needed in return. But, then again some people are so afraid of getting hurt they never make the leap and instead they are left with shoulda, woulda, coulda.

So where does this leave me. I always knew I would get married that is what people do right? Growing up I have come to realize that doing things because that is what you are supposed to do is a stupid reason to do anything. You actually need to know and want something before you do it otherwise the chances of failure and unhappiness in this life is all but immeninant. Well, I know now that I really want to find someone I can be happy with for the rest of my life. And when I say that I mean just that. Anything short of the rest of my life I'd rather just be alone.

But, how do you get that. Is there really one special person for everyone or is just a matter of conveniance. I think it is really kind of stupid to think fate drives people together and ignorant to think you can only be a happy with just one person. People fall in and out of love every day. Attraction and love mingle and distort everything. Passion versus a living relationship. Desire versus comfort and stability. Were do you stand and were do find all of that in one person. And do you ever just get tired.

But, with anything if it was easy then it wouldn't be worth it in the first place. Relationships are hard to maintain (at least I assume so, going by divorce rates anyhow). When do you just give up and when do you know you have something worth going through all the shit for.

I bring this up. As I am growing older and begin to understand I'm not growing any younger. While I don't see myself getting married anytime soon for obvious reason. I am at the age it will be something I look for in the opposite sex and not just luscious curves. So what is the point of this whole blog? I'm not really sure, honestly. I see my friends getting married and happy and it is weird. Not too long ago I was like my God they are so young they are missing out on youth and self discovery. And know I am wondering if they just weren't damn lucky. To find someone they could spend the rest of their lives with at such a young age. Not, having to waste so much time with the wrong ones. I guess I have come to envy my friends that have found love and been able to hold on to it.

Okay so this had no point. But, I thought I'd go through some thoughts in my head. It really has no take home points. Nothing to hang your hat on. No advice, no discoveries. Just that we are all looking for the same thing. Someone we can share the most important, thoughts, discvories, challagnes, pain, and events of our life with.

My god that was really sappy.