First things first. Friday's blog was what it was. I developed some strong feelings and lack of better things to do I felt it was best to get them out. When I have these feelings I have a tendency to use words with much greater conational dynamics then actually needed to convey my ideas. (It is just a preferred writing style.)
What I don't want people to do is misplace what I'm saying. Which well I probably shouldn't have made it sound as poor me I had a wasted childhood blah blah blah. The ruminations is many things for me. 1. A release point - just to let things go (i'm not very vocal so it gives me a venue) 2. Writing practice - I play with words. I mix & match try to create an aura for whatever feelings I may have. So I have a tendency to over do things sometimes. 3. Play with Ideas - Nothing amuses me more than to play with different ideas and theories. Nothing is ever set in stone for me. So don't necessarily take everything I say too deeply to heart. It is always evolving 4. Get others to think- Therefore by being blatantly -- lets just say blasphemous -- I attempt to catch people's attention.
With all that said I am not sure why I experienced such strong feelings the other day but, as I sat down to write this I had an idea why it might be so I figured I'd divulge it. I think what bother me the most about the way I grew up is probably the least messed up of all the reasons to be bothered by. I honestly don't care who slept with who and honestly despite what I may have lead you to believe I think Pentecostals can experience God in their own unique way. Also looking back I can't single out any individual who I hold any animosity towards. My childhood was actually full of people who honestly loved the youth and wanted the best for us. They weren't trying to indoctrinate in as much the next parent or church doesn't try to bestow their values system on their children, regardless of their rather unorthodox methods. What bugs me the most about the whole scenario was being so sheltered. Seeing such a narrow perspective of the world -- especially for a kid whose true passion is the pursuit of knowledge – makes for a pretty bitter pill to swallow. Especially, when I stepped out into the real world and discovered a breadth of knowledge to ingest.
That all said being outside the walls of that community and beginning to see the world for what it truly is my philosophies have changed and I no longer feel compelled to believe any narrow-minded view of the world or God. Believe it or not I have nothing but, the highest respect for the Christian religion and those who call themselves followers of Christ. One could pick much worse models of how to live a meaningful life. I also agree with a lot of the underlining philosophies of the Christian religion. Most of my beliefs remain under construction, so to speak. I still disagree with some of the major tenants of the religion so therefore for the sake of me not being seen, by others, as a witness to a religion I do not fully follow. I don't call myself a Christian.
In the end the only thing I know of God is what I have found through my own life. And I have come to a stronger peace with that God than with the God one has to believe in otherwise one goes to hell. I don't know if there is a heaven and a hell and as I once said I don't worry about it much anymore. I find it unimportant. I only worry about drawing closer to Him through whatever means He chooses to call me. Which I think we all agree, despite our difference may be, is what Faith truly is.
For those interested Leah's second blog on religion can be found on her blog here.
edit
I deleted my previous blog. I figured it might be a little much. As well as giving the people the wrong idea. I think what I wanted to say is in this blog and in the one following this one anyhow.
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